Someone told me that from six months to one year is the golden time. They are independent enough to not need you for every little thing, but of course they are still a baby and need a fair amount from you. I guess around age one that whole desire to be independent starts to kick in and the babyness starts to fade. While it will be amazing to see Phinn grow and change, I do know it will be an adjustment for me to not be so in demand so to say. But I'll deal with that when the time comes - right now I am going to live in the present and enjoy every moment with him!
Moving on to the REAL stuff - like what it’s like to be a mom, how things have changed over the past six months, what my body is looking like (and more importantly how I feel about it!), and would I do anything differently next time around...
I'm going to break this six month check-up in to a few blog posts, otherwise I'd be writing forever. This way - barring any brain melt downs from the infamous "mommy brain" syndrome or occasional sleep deprivation - I should be able to share with you all of my thoughts, successes, and challenges over the past six months.
Real Life Mom
After you have your first baby, everyone is asking you "What it is like to be a mom?", "How do you like it?", "Is it everything wonderful you imagined it to be?", and other questions of that nature. I will say it is almost nothing like I imagined it to be. Most of the time it is WAY more awesome than I could have ever imagined, but I am not going to lie, there are times that are also WAY tougher than I had imagined too (especially at the beginning).
While we all might think we have a good handle on what being a mom entails from watching other mothers, spending time babysitting, and playing with babies and kids; then your little one comes along and you realize you had no clue! I had no fear of becoming a mom while I was pregnant. I had spent endless hours babysitting and also come from a large extended family, so there was always a baby around. But none of that prepared me for how something so small is turned my life inside out.
The beginning of motherhood is slightly blurry for me. It seems to have come and gone so quickly in hindsight (so for new mommies out there - hang tough!! It only gets better!!). I remember the first few weeks just being totally enamored by this precious baby boy and then reality started to creep back in. Hunter had to return to work. It was beginning to feel a little slovenly to remain in my pajamas around the clock. The home cooked dinners from family and friends stopped coming. My house was covered in a layer of funk. The holidays and all the joyous activities that come with were around the corner. And I was getting tired of only seeing my bedroom and the family room and occasionally the bathroom. I remember being stressed and feeling overwhelmed.
Here are some of the realities of being a mom:
- There will be times when your personal hygiene takes a hit, especially in the beginning. I remember being in disbelief as other new moms told me that they didn't have time to shower or brush their teeth. I recall thinking "Babies take naps. In our class they said they sleep for about 18 hours a day. How can you not have time?" And then poof, I was a new mom and I learned very quickly how taking a shower is sometimes a luxury and not brushing your teeth until after lunch was not all that uncommon. As I became more confident in my mommyhood, I found ways to make those things happen (at least most days). I would put Phinn in his bouncer seat and bring him into the bathroom with me and entertain him with renditions of “Old McDonald Had a Farm” and “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” while I showered and brushed my teeth.
- Breastfeeding is not always as easy as everyone makes it out to be. BUT the bonding experience you'll have with your baby is priceless. So if you are or do have trouble with it, definitely don't give up and reach to a lactation specialist if needed. (I think most hospitals have them, if not ask your OB or your pediatrician.) I thought it would be simple. I mean it seems simple enough, right?! I actually struggled with it a lot and at times it has not only been inconvenient but also stressful. Just remember that by doing this and making some sacrifices, you are giving you baby the best start. That's what got me through! Also learn to be okay if it ultimately doesn't work out. There was definitely a time when I thought I was going to have to make peace with that and it was not easy. Just remember, you not only need to have a healthy, happy baby but a healthy, happy mama too!
- Not everyone's body magically returns to the way it was overnight or even in six months. I'll discuss this more in a later post but like you hear other women say - it took nine months for your body to get that way, it is going to take some time (AND hard work) to get it back. I guess that just took awhile for me to accept, especially when I felt surrounded by pictures of Hollywood moms who say that they got their bodies back in weeks and did not have to do much in terms of eating and/or exercising. For the longest time, I just felt like I was in a stranger's body. Try not to stress too much and instead eat healthy and exercise. My body is not back to what it was before but in some ways I think it is even better. I really only gained this self-confidence in my post-preggo body around month four and it has taken some work!
- There are never enough hours in the day to conquer everything on your list - especially if you are an over-achieving list maker like me - and that is okay. This is another thing that took me some time to get used to. I am a compulsive list maker. I love making my lists and even more I love checking things off! My concept of time for the list has become more fluid though because you never quite know what your baby has planned for you. He may need to be feed or decide not to take his nap or not want to hang out on his play mat while you try to squeeze in a workout. Once I loosened up on my expectations of my list and accepted that the world wasn't going to crumble if I didn't get the laundry done or clean the hardwood floors, I was much happier. Plus, I knew I need to enjoy this precious time with my baby because it won't be this way forever.
- You have to let go of some things to make room for the new things. There is so much that a new baby brings to your life - both things you want to do like read books and play airplane on the ground and things you aren't so crazy about like the ten loads of laundry you do on a daily basis. Much like my struggle with lists, I also had a hard time accepting that getting to the gym or having dinner on the table at a reasonable hour were not always going to be as easy to accomplish as I once imagined, but you adjust and find ways to make it work. For example, my husband started making dinner a lot and who knew he is actually a good cook?! I had to find balance between the new things I want to do, the old things, and those pesky things – like laundry – that I just have to do.
- Sometimes you need a break and that is okay! I am still struggling with this one. Of course besides being a wife and a mother, I am still me, and as moms and wives we have to remember to take care of ourselves. I remember the first time I was without Phinn. I went to get a haircut when he was almost two months old, and I felt guilty the whole time because I didn’t feel like I was missing him enough. I still have times like that such as last weekend when I got a pedicure, I felt those same feelings. I know I need to accept that it is okay – heck it is healthy – for me to put myself first sometimes otherwise I run the risk of burning out and having a meltdown from not being able to decompress and that won’t be doing anyone any good!
- Every day there will be moments that make your heart melt. Like I said, I catch myself on a daily basis just being in awe that God has given me such a happy, healthy, beautiful baby boy. I find myself amazed at everything he has learned and how much he has grown and developed over these six months. I love the sound of his laugh and how his eyes radiate with happiness. I pray that those things will never change! I love when his fingers grab mine, when I see his toothless grin, when he wraps his arms around my neck, and so much more. Those are the things that make the challenges and sacrifices well worth it. Bottom line – being a mom rocks!
A lot of these realities may sound negative, but in fact they are not. They are the ways in which I have been challenged to change my life to make room to be a great mom. If you ask me, motherhood helps put life in perspective and realize what is truly important.These past six months have caused me to grow in so many ways. Not to turn you off by further mushiness, but I know love now on an entirely different level - one that you cannot even fathom before you becoming a parent.
Next up – Six Months Post Pregnancy, How Do I Look?
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