Week Two: Check In

I had meant to post this on Saturday, but as I am learning, your "to do" list with a baby in the picture has to be VERY flexible. Some days we are able to accomplish a lot and other times it takes us days to get around to crossing things off such as making Hunter's birthday cake.

So I finally made it to the gym to weight myself last Wednesday night. I have to admit I was a little nervous to step on the scale. With some of the eating I have been doing, part of me would not have been surprised if my weight had barely changed!

I happily learned that my three week post-pregnancy weight was 125 pounds. I am down twenty pounds from when I delivered (mostly thanks to delivering an 8 lb 5 oz baby and shedding the other extra stuff too) and have ten pounds left to lose.

I did not stay long enough to workout because I had gotten my butt kicked the night before by Phinn's demands to be held in order to sleep and it hadn't changed during the day. (READ: A glass of wine was calling my name a lot louder than the treadmill!!)

On Thursday, my mom came to visit and we went for a nice, long walk and it felt glorious! The best part is that after the walk I did not experience any pain which means I didn't push myself too far. This little victory gave me the push I needed to schedule a trip to the gym. (Yes, those things have to be planned in advance now!)

On Saturday morning, I woke up and left my boys snuggled up in bed. I tied my gym shoes- the first time in a long time I'd been able to do that without a belly bump making it more challenging- and off I went. I tried out the elliptical first. I was able to go for twenty minutes before I started to feel some discomfort. In keeping my promise to myself to take it nice and easy and listen to my body, I switched to the treadmill and walked for my remaining fifteen minutes at a decent pace and incline. Again, I was able to do this light exercise without paying for it later.

So that was my Week Two! I will post some pictures soon - it is on my "to do" list ;)

Mama Blues

So being a mom is definitely not as easy as it looks. I'm sure all moms out there reading this are smiling because they probably at some point had the same realization.

When you are thinking about having children and even while you are pregnant, you think "I just have to feed him, change him, and then he'll sleep peacefully in his bassinet and I'll have all this time." I remember wondering what I was going to do on maternity leave to keep myself occupied. (Ha! Oh how naive I was!!)

Then your baby arrives and everything is wonderful. You are over the moon in love with him. You can't imagine ever getting tired of holding him. You secretly enjoy his cries in the middle of the night because you know he needs you and that you are his comfort. Your world is perfect.

And then your husband goes back to work, and suddenly you have two less hands to take care of your baby's needs. The blissful newness of it all begins to wear off. Phinn and I are on day six of just us. Some days we feel like a well-oiled machine, moving from feedings to changings to napping and can even accomplish other activities like reading books, tummy time, and going for walks. Other days, like yesterday, I'm lucky to be able to brush my teeth or go to the bathroom. I can't even dream about taking a shower or brushing my hair. Phinn seems to be going through a phase where he is only content if someone is holding him, and when you are alone with the baby for ten or eleven hours of the day, guess who that someone is!

I love that my son needs me, and I love being a mom and being able to provide for him. But I also need time to be me. I think that has been the hardest part for me in becoming a mom. Some days, I feel like I have lost my identity as myself and to some degree as a wife. I want to be open about my feelings because I'm sure others feel or have felt this way and it is always good to know that you are not alone! Becoming a mom is an adjustment - a BIG one - and one that you have to make all at once. There really is no easing into it other than pregnancy.

Like I said, yesterday was a rough day for us. Phinn was only happy being held and after about the sixth hour of holding him, I broke down. I got the New Mama Blues a bit and was upset that I couldn't do anything anymore, that I would never get my body back because I had ruined it, and that from here on out I was only a mom. (Yes, quite dramatic!) Then I immediately felt guilty because here I am with this healthy, beautiful son, and I'm living the life that I have always truly wanted. I felt guilty that I didn't feel happier. I just never imagined that being a mom would be this challenging. Everyone tells you that your life is going to change and you know that, but until it happens you have no idea how much it changes. Yes, there will be days where your baby seems to take over whatever you had planned for the day and only wants to be held; but as a friend of mine told me, remember that these are phases and don't wish it away because there will come a day when he doesn't want you to hold him anymore. (Tear!) So after receiving some reassurance from my husband and my mom, I know that I am not a bad mother because I have these feelings. I am trying to learn to take it day by day and truly appreciate each moment- the good and the bad-because before I know it, he'll be all grown up.

Today I am grateful for my Baby Bjorn (Don't know why I didn't think of that yesterday!!) that has allowed me to type this post one handed as I hold my happy baby and eat my oatmeal. I am also grateful for my mom who came up to spend some time with us. It is so nice to have an extra set of hands to help and ears to listen. I even picked up a few more tips on being a mom- imagine that! And I'm grateful for my understanding, reassuring husband who always has faith in me. But most of all, I am thankful that God has given me this incredible little miracle and has charged me with helping him to discover and thrive in this crazy world. While the blues may have gotten the best of me yesterday, today is a new day and we are off to a great start!

Have I Mentioned...

That I have an AWESOME husband! He has been very supportive of my goals to get back to exercising and of course is encouraging me to do it in the safest way possible so that I don't injure myself or prolong my recovery.

On Friday, he called on his way home from work and said that he needed to swing by Target to pick something up, but he wouldn't tell me what he was getting. Naturally I thought it was some DVD or CD that we wanted. WRONG! It was a Gaiam Balance Ball and workout DVD. Turns out he was talking to some other moms around his office and they recommended this as a way to get some low impact exercise while I'm waiting to fully recover.

I tried out the DVD today and managed to get through the upper body section before I was called back to "mom duty." The DVD is nice because it breaks down into mini workouts (which seems to be about all I can squeeze in for the time being!) that last about 10 minutes a piece and focus on different parts of the body.

So between this DVD and the Tracy Anderson DVD, I should be able to get in some quality home workouts during the day. Hopefully they will hold me over until I can get back to the gym. By the way, the Balance Ball also makes a great rocker when you are trying to soothe a newborn, and as an added bonus, you get a mini workout while doing it!

Week One Check In: Too Soon!

Today started out a little rough. It was my first day at home alone with Phinn and shortly after Hunter left, Phinn threw up for the first time right down my v-neck shirt! The poor guy; he looked so pitiful. I felt so bad for him. Not to mention that he put his mama in a bit of a panic attack thinking that he might be sick. After I cleaned both of us up, we spent the rest of the morning cuddling.

Around lunch time we took a little walk to get some fresh air in hopes of brightening our spirits. We walked for about 30 minutes. By the time we got home I was feeling a little sore, so we headed back to the couch to rest. I began rethinking my trip to the gym scheduled for this evening because even though I'm anxious to get back I don't want to push it too soon and sideline myself even longer.

I decided to settle for lifting some free weights and popping in Tracy Anderson's Post-Pregnancy Work Out DVD. (Tracy is Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer. She is 5 ft tall and gained 60 pounds when she was pregnant with her son. It is AWESOME to have a workout designed by someone who has been there!) Lifting my little 5 pound weights felt good; sadly, the DVD did not feel as good. It was not the DVD's fault by any means. It was mine. I had done about fifteen minutes of it the day before and I don't think my body was up for repeating it just yet.

I think I'm going to stick to walking outside (as long as the weather cooperates), lifting weights at home, and occasionally sticking in a workout DVD when I can make the time at least for one more week. It seems like my body is telling me that it would like a little more time to heal and I can't say that I blame it. Frankly, I am still amazed at what a woman's body does during pregnancy and labor & delivery and how quickly it naturally rebounds.

Starting Back at Square One

I have been thinking a lot about how I want to approach postpartum fitness and nutrition and also how I want to share my progress with you. I have debated whether or not to post body pictures and stats and ultimately decided that while sharing this information may make me feel vulnerable, being honest and open with my readers (which also keeps me honest and accountable to myself) is more important.

As women, I think we have these grandiose ideas about what our bodies will look like post-pregnancy which are fueled by the feature stories we see about celebrities who are back to their perfect bodies within days or weeks of giving birth. We also compare ourselves to other women and believe that we are the only ones who have problems. Everything seems so storybook for everyone else. Hopefully in following my progress you'll see that things aren't always rainbows and butterflies. We may not all have the same challenges but we all have some barrier that is standing in our way.

During this pregnancy, I gained 30 pounds (from 115 to 145) and have noticed that I lost some muscle tone in my arms and legs. I honestly don't know how much I lost in delivery because I haven't stepped on a scale, but I will admit that most days I feel pretty positive about my post-pregnancy body. About one week after delivery, I felt incredibly optimistic and tried on my loosest pair of pre-pregnancy jeans. Needless to say they didn't quite make it over my rear end! So I am working on a postpartum routine that includes eating well and exercising that will help me get back in shape and return to my running.

September 2010 pregnancy weight gain at 25 pounds

The first part of my plan is to track what I am eating and counting calories to make sure that I'm not going overboard. I will say that I am hungrier now that I'm breastfeeding than I ever was pregnant! Just for the record, I am not dieting because my caloric needs are greater than they have ever been in order to maintain a strong milk supply, and I know I'll need some additional calories as my workout routine picks up. My goal is to simply keep my appetite in check and ensure that I'm getting the proper nutrition to take care of Phinn and myself. Did I mention that I got a Wellness Journal from my in-laws for my birthday?! Talk about perfect timing! It has a whole daily food journal section that will be perfect for tracking my progress. From what I have read, I have seen recommendations for breastfeeding moms to consume anywhere between 1,800 - 2.500 calories. It seems a lot of it depends on your weight, exercise habits, and metabolism. Pre-pregnancy, I aimed to consume around 1,500 calories, so I'm going to start off trying to keep my calorie count between 1,800-2,000 per day, see how it goes and adjust from there.

The second part of my plan is to get back to my exercise routine and most importantly RUNNING! I'm sure some of you (myself included) are surprised that I have been able to hold out this long, but I am really trying to do things right and take care of my body by letting it recover before I go diving back into a strenuous running routine. I plan to start where I left off with my pregnancy workouts- walking or doing the elliptical for 30-45 minutes at least four days a week. Once I have mastered that, I will begin with some light jogging. It is my goal to run my first post-pregnancy half marathon in March, but more on that later. My first day back at the gym will be tomorrow. I decided that it will be my reward for surviving my first full day with Hunter back at work.

2 weeks after delivery and sporting the tired new mom look!

Each week I am going to post check-ins that discuss my exercise routine, nutrition, and provide you with pictures and stats. Currently, I do not own a scale. I have never been a fan of weighting myself and figure that if I'm looking good, my clothes fit and I'm happy what does a number mean. I'll weight myself once a week at the gym but other than that I do not want my weight in terms of pounds to become my focus.

I know that this weight was not gained overnight and it will not disappear overnight, so I will try to keep my attitude positive and my goals realistic but challenging.

Check-in with me tomorrow for my first weekly update...

Time Out - One Step at a Time (Almost Literally)

About nine days after Phinn was born, I came down with a pretty bad case of cabin fever. I was beginning to feel as if I was becoming a part of the couch or bed or rocking chair because let's face it, I pretty much rotated from one to another depending on the activity (watching TV/reading, sleeping, or feeding Phinn). I had not been out of the house besides the two visits to the pediatrician's office and was desperately needing a change in scenery. After a little convincing, I talked Hunter into going to the outlet mall and walking around under the pretense that Phinn needed a couple newborn size onesies. (Who knew that you go through at least three of them a day?!)

I started off feeling great. It was wonderful to breathe in fresh air and feel a little bit of sunshine on my face! I was walking at a decent pace but shortly after perusing the Christmas section at Pottery Barn, my stitches were killing me and my rear end felt like it was on fire. As we moved on to a few more stores, my pace slowed to that of a crawl. I think I might have even given in to using a rascal, if it had been offered. I will say that while I was managing some physical discomfort, mentally I was in heaven. It felt so good to just be out and about, see other people, and remember how it feels to wear clothes (not pajamas) with a little bit of make-up and my hair straightened. I managed to stumble through the last few stores, but needless to say I was very excited when Hunter offered to go get the car and I could wait on a bench for him.

Since Friday, I have managed to squeeze in a little trip out of the house each day. We went to Purcellville Marketplace (cute little store in town that has a year-round Christmas section) on Saturday and Church and Target on Sunday. I think getting out is important not only because it gets me up and moving, but my little field trips also provide me with sanity! As I've mentioned before, I hate to feel chained to the couch. I'm not good at vegging out or sitting still. It just leads to more restlessness, not to mention it also lengthens my "to-do" list as I stare at piles of clutter, baby gear strewn about the house, dirty floors, and I could go on about the ten things I see that need cleaning right now as I type...

I'm still optimistic that I will be back at the gym - at least walking or using the elliptical - before Thanksgiving. This week I am going to start formulating my plan to get back to "me" which will include both exercise and nutrition, and I will share my progress with you. I am doing my best to be patient and give my body some recovery time, but I also think that I'm going to have to manage some level of discomfort as I reenter my exercise routine. As long as my two best friends - Motrin IB and heating pad - are nearby, I will survive.

Special Delivery!

I'm proud to announce that Baby Smith - now known as Phinneas James (Phinn for short) - joined us on Wednesday, October 27th at 8:02PM. I went into labor on Tuesday night as Hunter and I laid on the couch catching up on our DVR. My contractions weren't close enough together to alert the Midwives just yet, so we decided to try to get some sleep. (Well as much sleep as you can get when you are having some pretty substantial back pain and contractions.) I was back up by 3:30 AM and knew that today was going to be the day! I woke Hunter up around 4:30 AM and we were headed to the hospital an hour later and BOY was it busy!

Shortly after we arrived, all of the triage exam rooms were filled and we could hear the nurses talking about how packed Labor and Delivery was. When I checked in I was 5 cm dilated and as soon as they hooked me up to the equipment my water broke. They kept me in triage for about three hours monitoring my contractions, Phinn's heart rate, and how quickly things were moving. By 9AM, I was anxiously awaiting to be admitted (what I really wanted was an EPIDURAL!) and luckily we got the last Labor and Delivery Suite. About an hour later at 6 cm, I saw one of my favorite people- the anesthesiologist- and once he administered the good stuff, I was a happy camper. (Side note: The nurses and staff at Inova Loudoun's Birthing Inn are AMAZING! I will definitely be a repeat customer ;) )

The next seven hours were spent just relaxing and waiting to reach 10 cm. They did give me pitocin to speed things along. This part was pretty painless and enabled me to rest and store up my energy for the main event and did I ever need it!

At 5PM, our midwife came in and said its time to start pushing! While I quickly caught on to the proper pushing technique, Phinn was making little progress (mostly due to my small pelvis and his size). I was also having some serious neck and shoulder pain. My muscles had gotten stiff because I had been laying on my side for seven hours because they were trying to encourage Phinn to turn and descend. This pain was actually so strong that I was in tears, but the positive side is that it worked like Indian medicine and I was almost unaware of any pain associated with the delivery. I firmly believe that my workouts paid off and gave me the stamina that I needed to push for hours. Plus my athlete mentality helped me to keep going even when the pain felt like it was too much. I knew if I just kept giving it hell then I was going to be holding my son soon!

I also want to give credit to my wonderful coach and husband. He stood by my side the entire time and at times was more involved than he originally wanted to be. He made sure that my ice chips were overflowing, my head was cool, and I kept my focus on the finish line. I could not have done it without him!


After three hours of pushing Phinneas James Smith made his debut into the world at 8 pounds 5 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long, and my and Hunter's world has been forever changed. All the cliches you hear about when you child is born are true. I feel so blessed to have my wonderful family that is healthy, happy, and full of love!