Unbalanced

In case you were worried that I fell off the blog world, I did not. The month of February just completely overwhelmed me. From my return to the working world, taking care of Phinn, trying to keep up with running a household, exercising, and making some attempt to be a wife and friend, I simply felt like I could not fit another thing on my plate.

Last month was an exercise in my sanity. So many days I felt pushed WAY beyond my limits. I could not count the number of times I broke down whether it was quietly by myself or on the phone to my husband. I just did not see how I was going to be able to handle it all. How could I possibly work, care for Phinn, and keep my household at the "mildly embarrassing if someone else has to see it" level? And then, how could I even fathom having time on top of that to do the things I enjoy - spending time with family, running, cooking, reading? I felt like a ticking time bomb. My stress level was soaring and I did not have time to remedy it. It got to the point where it was affecting my relationship with Phinn. I was too preoccupied with all the things I felt were stress-worthy to enjoy the time I was spending with my son.

So last Monday, when I needed some time for mental clarity I threw on my running shoes as soon as Hunter got home, handed him the baby, and I was out the door. A beautiful (and may I add fast!) five miles later, I had pinpointed all of my sources of stress and why I felt they were deserving of my time and energy. The next step in my plan was to talk them through with Hunter. I know that there were some things - such as my stress over breastfeeding - that he would not be able to fully understand, but overall he would help me identify ways to defuse this bomb.

Here are the important things I identified:

• Exercising is paramount to my mental clarity. I must incorporate it on a daily basis to release any frustrations or just to boost my mood.
• I need to remember the BIG picture. (Thanks Hunt!) Whenever I catch myself getting bogged down in the little things, I am trying to take a step back and realize how it fits into my big picture and then determine how much of my time and energy it deserves.
• I need to accept that things don't always follow a nice neat plan or "to do" list. (This is HUGE for the compulsive plan-a-head, list maker that I am!) I need to stop shoehorning everything into my plans whether it be my plans for the weekend or my ten year plan. And I'll accept that some things are not meant to go according to plans and that is okay too. (The Serenity Prayer from my Catholic school days pops into my head.)
  
• I need to draw boundaries with work and accept the consequences. I actually learned this at a work meeting where some of my management was discussing work-life balance.
  

But I've realized, I can't just identify things, so the next step was to find ways to incorporate my findings into my daily life. So here is my plan:

• I will start waking up early and beginning as many days as I can with a workout. This will help me set a positive tone for the day. If you want to get into the science of it, exercising releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy :)
  
• I will not let work related things, including email bother me during non-working hours. I will learn to let go of the need to continually over deliver. There are other things in life that are in need of my time and energy.
• I will keep my stress in perspective. When I find myself frustrated, I'll take a step back and ask "Is this important in the big picture or am I sweating the small stuff?" (I am known to do the later. I worry before there is even cause for worry sometimes!)
  

With this refreshed attitude, I should be able to move some things around on my plate in order to make room for the new stuff. It is like going from normal dinner to Thanksgiving. There is so much more that you want to try to squeeze on your plate, you just have to accept smaller portions. So I've learned that I just have some adjusting to do. Who knew that being a mom would change and challenge me in some many ways?!

So with these thoughts in mind, I'm going to take my last step and finally EXHALE and enjoy March.